THINGS TO KEEP IN MIND... Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home. There are 3 kinds of people: Those who can count, and those who can't. Why is "abbreviation" such a long word? Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice. .... Every monrning is the dawn of a new error.... For people who like peace and quiet: A phoneless cord. I can see clearly now, the brain is gone. I used up all my sick days.. so I'm calling in dead. There cannot be a crisis today, my schedule is already full. I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode. Ever stop to think and forget to start again? A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking. If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too? If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me. If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms. It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere. Help Wanted: TELEPATH. You know where to apply. Budget: A method for going broke methodically. Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark. Demons are a ghoul's best friend. Dain bramaged. Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted Buy a pentium 586/150 so you can reboot faster. Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes. Computers are not intelligent; they only think they are. My software never has bugs; it just develops random features. C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN RUN\DOS\RUN The definition of an Upgrade: Out with the old bugs, in with the new. BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd Down, 3rd Quarter, 5 Yards to go. As a Computer, I find your faith in technology amusing. Backups? We don' NEED no steenking backups. .... File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N) Does Fuzzy Logic tickle ? Windows: Just another pain in the glass. Who's General Failure... and why's he trying to read my disk? Ultimate office automation: Networked coffee. Shell to DOS... Come in DOS, do you copy, over? Shell to DOS... All computers wait at the same speed. DEFINITION: Computer - a device designed to speed and automate errors. Press to continue... Enter any 11 digit prime number to continue... ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI. Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue. "640K ought to be enough for anybody." - Bill Gates, 1981 Hit any user to continue Will the information Highway have any rest stops? Backup not found: (A)bort, (R)etry, (T)hrowup ? Backup not found: (A)bort, (R)etry, (P)anic ? (A)bort, (R)etry, (T)ake down the entire network? If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in. Programmers don't die; they just GOSUB without RETURN. Programmer - a red-eyed, mumbling mammal capable of conversing with inanimate objects. Real programmers don't document. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand.