Berst Beginner's Dictionary for Windows 95
     
EXPLORER: a sports utility vehicle from Ford and a file manager from 
Microsoft. In both cases, an ugly, uncomfortable way to get where you want 
to go.
     
SHORTCUT: a technique to make accessing programs almost as convenient as it 
was in Win 3.1.
     
WINDOWS HELP SYSTEM: a utility for bringing you back where you started 
through a series of interlocking questions.
     
WINDOWS 95 RESOURCE KIT: a 1,300-page device for raising a computer monitor 
to eye level.
     
CONTROL PANEL: where you go to make advanced custom modifications to all 
the devices you didn't know you had and don't understand.
     
MY BRIEFCASE: where you store the work you plan to ignore on your next 
business trip.
     
SHORT FILENAME: a cryptic document name that you can't decipher.
     
LONG FILENAME: an easy-to-understand document name that you can't remember.
     
FOLDER: where you store the files you can't decipher and can't remember.
     
Join MSN icon: Default desktop item designed to help new and experienced 
users alike learn how to use the right click delete function.
     
Start Menu: A productivity application that eliminates wasted time by 
hiding the games in a menu nested 4 levels deep.
     
My Computer: Microsoft's blatant statement about who really owns your PC.
     
Inbox: The rubber-padded room they put you in after you set up Exchange.
     
Taskbar: A low calorie snack that's easy to swallow, but floats around and 
often comes up just when you least expect it.
     
Microsoft Excess: Microsoft's new database/spreadsheet program that 
combines all features of Excel and Access.
     
-- jesse@theberstizyet2.com